PUNK ROCKIN’ MO’FUGGA
13/11/24 13:12
The muses are screaming for me to scream back - I had a musical experience I haven’t felt since I was a teenager, I’ve never felt so inspired and frustrated to create. Let’s wind back 14 years.
I’m in year 10 in a shitty Two Door Cinema Club cover band practicing for our school’s annual Battle of the Bands. Lord knows why but I’m the chosen vocalist of said ensemble despite only being a pianist. To elucidate; I genuinely could not (and cannot) sing well. With 5 minutes to go until class starts, we start wrapping up; however, Justin turns the gain up, hits the overdrive pedal and plays some loud, punky fast chords around 170 bpm; Jason joins in on the drums; the talented Max comes up with a slappy RHCP-esque bassline; and, sat to the side about to pack up, my jubilant head-bobbing quickly turns into a stank face. The scene is set - and to this day I don’t know what compelled me - but I stood up, picked up the mic and started screaming into it for the first time in my life. Not falsetto, not operatic, neither classic screamo, but growly & gritty shouting from the top of my lungs. Sometimes I’d shout in key, sometimes I’d let it the fuck out atonally. Most of all, it was loud. In that moment I was in a total flow-state, expressing myself creatively the way I was meant to. But it was fleeting, painfully brief. Literally 30 seconds at most. When we stopped, I remember Max and I looking at each other.. “whoa".
I look back now and think… if we weren’t constrained by time and the pressure of reciting TDCC, if I had just a bit more time to explore it in that lunch break, then life could’ve gone in a completely different direction. Instead, I went back to class and couldn’t ever do it again; until last Thursday, at the age of 28.
Quentin (who I must thank dearly for getting me back into playing instruments) has an events brand named “Amalgamations” - consisting of DJ acts from start to finish, with interludes filled with instrumentals, narrations & contemporary dance/acting. It’s an incredible show and I couldn’t be happier to be a part of it. For their 6th iteration’s intervals, Quentin, Luca and I are a jazz trio (piano, bass & drums) to soundtrack noir-like scenes with a precarious undertone. Practice was great, we meshed very well for our first instrumental practice together (we’ve all DJ’d B2B multiple times so the familiarity was there), but we certainly needed a “release” at the end without the constraints. It mirrored what happened 14 years ago to a T - Quentin improvised a fast punky bassline, Luca joined in heavy on the drums, and I walked straight up to the standing mic (which we weren’t even using yet the room bestowed, just begging to be used in the middle of the room) and I started screaming into it. It was a much, much stronger roar than last time. Time and tribulations have developed it, not forsaken it. It felt authentic, unsurprising; it felt right, and it sounded fucking sick. I was in a complete state of giddy catharsis during and after - “shit!” I thought - “I’m not scared to let it out anymore! I can fucking do this!”.
Up until lately I was scared to try it in front of people, scared next door would call the police, scared it was a dying style I should move on from, and scared someone would disapprove of my meagre attempts. Then fear turned into different life focuses, then it turned into a forgotten fluke of a genre I thought I was destined to only listen to. I’ve since endeavoured to express myself in so many musical was which were never sustainable or ever worked out - retrospectively, the spark was never there. But I feel it now. I feel so alive. I want to make it a reality. I wrote lyrics for the first time in YEARS. I’ve spent time listening to angry 80s punk rock for inspiration. I’m falling in love with music again, and I can’t wait to explore this further. I’ll keep you in the loop. x